Do Unto Others
1000 Hilarious ways to Screw with People's Heads
A Life's Little Instruction Book for those looking to add a little lunacy to their lives. With over 1,000 off-the-wall things to do in over 50 locations (churches, shopping malls, public bathrooms, etc.), Do Unto Others is a laugh-a-minute guide to disturbing and disgusting those around you.
"...A blast..."
-Reggie Pluntfarb, Pluntfarb News
"A literary atrocity. I'd like to spray a blast of gas all over this wretched book."
"Pure bl...iss."
-Todd DeHart GCF Magazine
"Pure blase pissy nonsense."
"B.r.i.l.l.i.a.n.t..."
-D. Lawrence Miller, Salve Magazine
"Bloated, retarded, idiotic, lousy, ludicrous, inane, asinine, nonsense. Tuchus!"
"...a glorious triumph..."
-Pantsless Man in Alley
"I shall arise, a demon of the night, and shall reign terror upon the land, a glorious triumph for evil."
Samples:
Things to Do During a Job Interview:
- Answer all questions in interpretive dance.
- If they ask, "So where are you from?" you answer, "I'm probably the creation of some insane wizard."
- Submit resume and personal statement in Haiku.
Fun Things to do in a Mall:
- At the bookstore, hang out in the self-help section, and hit on vulnerable women.
- Offer to pay for things in (a) pennies, (b) acorns, (c)"tales of adventure"
- Open all jars of tennis balls, inhale fumes tell people in a giggly slur that "Sport's Authority is so much better if you're stoned."
Divinely Disturbing Things to Do to End a Relationship:
- Anniversary gift? One of those big foam hands that says "You're #1."
- If she asks, "do you love me?" you answer: a) I love the idea of you; b) I love your genitals; c) I love the way I am with you. And without you. D) I love me. I am great!
- Tell her you're attracted to both her parents.
From the outlandish to the absurd, Do Unto Others covers all the bases of how to make the most out of mundane situations.
